I don’t know why this has stayed on my mind. I think it’s the fear of how many other black men are suffering in silence. Black men have been held to this inhumane standard, where they shouldn’t feel pain or emotion. It is this standard that causes them not to reach out for help.

From small children, when a little girl falls and hurts herself she is hugged and mom or dad kisses the hurt away. When a little boy falls and hurts himself, he’s told “chin up, chest out…don’t cry like a girl, man up….” And those little boys grow into men that carry those same instructions. Those men get into relationships and can’t open up, can’t have emotional conversations…they don’t even know how too.

Then, those same men are viewed in society as a threat based on the color of their skin. So on top of the emotional trauma they are holding in from childhood, they have to operate defensively (but not show that) in a society that can destroy them for no reason.

We have to normalize men having emotions and feeling pain. We have to normalize men being human beings.

One book that discusses men’s emotional health in the Black community is “The Emotional Life of the Black Man” by Mark Anthony Neal. In this book, Neal explores the ways in which Black men navigate and express their emotions in a society that often dismisses or devalues their experiences.

Neal discusses the cultural and historical factors that have shaped the emotional lives of Black men, and he offers insights into how Black men can cultivate a healthy emotional life. He also tackles sensitive topics such as mental health, masculinity, and the intersection of race and emotion.

Overall, “The Emotional Life of the Black Man” is a thought-provoking and important read for anyone interested in understanding the emotional lives of Black men and the role that culture and society play in shaping their experiences.

If there is a black man in your life (father, brother, son, coworker, friend,….) check on him. Just ask him if he’s ok, and let him know you are a safe space for him emotionally.